One day, I’ll go back to Windows 98.
But I think I may have lost the most important person who could’ve changed my life.
I ain’t messing up with the next girl I meet.
Well, now that you’re the only one that found this, I’ll just talk about my day. I woke up and dropped my sister to her friend’s house at around 8. It’s the first time in a long time that I was home for most of the day. My time is occupied in the classrooms from 8 to 8, along with 4 hours of work. I went running today, that was pretty refreshing, though I wish I knew how to use this damn Google Maps to find out how many miles we went for. I’ll figure it out. Came back home to shower and get ready for dinner, which was spaghetti with a Filipino twist. I think I should eat here more often. I gotta stop eating Pochons. Right now, I’m just thinking whether I should continue this or not. I’ll see what happens in the next two weeks. Time to listen to some podcasts…maybe I should start one with my coworkers. This might go somewhere.
If I could redo one thing when we talked, that if you knew that I know how to drive, I don’t think any of this would’ve happened. At all.
I want to push you away. And so far, I’m winning.
See it or not see it, I don’t care. But I’d like to continue my education now. Love isn’t going to make me happy right now. Seeing that A on my transcript will. I’ll find a girl just as good as you after I finish college. You gave me another reason to work harder than ever. I hope you don’t regret your decision.
I wonder why you keep coming back, because really, I don’t have time for games. It’s either you care, or you don’t. There’s nothing in between. You may have found me…but have I found you? The girl of MY dreams?
No, I’m not back. I’m just here to profess my frustration and my emotions. With the life I’m living in, I don’t think I would like anyone to be in it. It is so damn difficult to deal with my personal life with my social life. They are two polar opposites of each other. Spinning in a cycle where you cannot fathom whether or not it will interconnect with one another. What I show to you ain’t what I show to my family, and vice versa. I’ve done so many wrong, that I’m trying to do the right to make up for the wrong. But it ain’t enough. No, what you see is an imperfection trying to subtract those two letters and reach for the ‘im’ when it is ever so harder to grab. And with the one that slipped away I hope great things will happen to you, because you deserve it. You deserve the treatment you give to one as they gave to you…like I did for you. This isn’t a call for you to come back, no. It’s a call for you to do what you please because you have the choice, whether or not you want to be with the one that pleases you the most. It’s something I’m learning within my own family. It’s something that makes me realize…it’s her happiness that I want. If she isn’t happy, I sure as hell won’t be. I’m probably afraid to love. Because love binds you and your best friend together for a long time, always waking up with a doubt in your mind that she won’t be by your side the next day… And the next day, and the next day. My dad has been through shit I never thought I would see in my lifetime, but I am a witness to it. I know his troubles, and I know his wives. I hate the plural, “wives.” It’s not associated with anything good. Ever. And I hope mine is singular, but it can’t just be me, it’s gotta be her too. If I stay single my whole life, so be it. I won’t let not having the girl of my dreams stop me from pursuing my dreams.